A Bae-less Christmas
Christmas has come around again and you’re single.
Don’t worry boo you are not alone because so am I.
In fact, this will be my 3rd Christmas as a single woman and contrary to popular belief it is not as bad as you think. Sure, of course, it would be nice to have a BAE to snuggle up with watching some of my favourite Christmas films or to match my fly during the yearly family Christmas day photo shoot.
Most people dislike being without a partner during this time of year and I get it, I really do. It can be very daunting, depressing and lonely asf. My first Christmas as a single woman was horrible but that was because my break up was still fresh. As time went on I have come to really appreciate my season of singleness. I realised that I can’t come and kill myself over not having a Bae and to be honest neither should you.
I know this is easier said than done, especially during a time like Christmas where it seems like everyone and their dog is boo’d up. On Christmas day last year I was frying plantains with Aunty Lorna whilst my age mates were getting showered with lavish gifts and being proposed to.
I would be lying if I said that seeing those things never made me question myself or make me wonder when my own time would come. It is so easy to fall into that trap of comparing your season of life with others. Here is a little word of advice: DON’T DO IT TO YOURSELF! Being single in general is not a bad thing and being single during the Christmas period is not the end of the world. It is such an amazing time of year, where you could be doing so much more like loving on yourself and those closest to you rather than moping around about being single.
I know you probably have heard that before and might not want to hear it again. But there are some positives to the single life, especially during this time of year. So to paint a better picture for you, I reached out to a few people and asked them to share their experiences, thoughts and feelings about being single during the Christmas season, enjoy.
Olliviette, Creative & Lifestyle blogger @Olliviette.com
According to Google, I’ve only had a holiday bae 13.89% of my adult life.
I’ve been through it: being solo while the friends are coupled up, the “why you don’t get a man gurl” chat from my aunts, excusing myself from festivities to cry quietly.
At first, all that “big love energy” used to really get me down. Then I accepted reality: I am not flawed if I am single during the holidays.
Instead of focusing on bae-who-isn’t-there, I focus on myself. A recent Christmas involved me renting a gorgeous London flat and living it up in my undies all weekend. There’s nothing wrong with being upset about being single, but don’t waste your life worrying about “bae”. Live hunny.
Create the moments you deserve, love yourself up during the holidays and for them urges…invest in some good hardware. If you know what I mean…
Jess, Foodie & Travel Blogger @Roadtoculturedom.com
“As young adults, Instagram makes us think enjoying the festivities with your other half in matching jumpers will make us the happiest. But not everyone (including me) will experience that this year…and that’s okay. You get to give your family your utmost attention and create more memories with them. You get to spend that bae present money on spoiling your favourite friends and family members.
One day, you’ll have to make the choice between spending Christmas Day with your family or bae’s…years after this, you and bae will be the oldest family members at Christmas. And you’ll be grateful for these extra years you had in your young adult life purely for your family! “
Annabel, Travel Blogger @The Woman in Transit
Being “bae-less” during the festive period shouldn’t bother you in the slightest. For starters, that’s one less person to buy a present for so your pockets will be thankful! On a serious note though, being single is not shameful and as a culture, we need to change the discourse surrounding it. You’re not any less valuable or worthy because there’s no one taking you to Winter Wonderland (take yourself!).
Use this time in your life to get to know who you are. As cliche as it sounds, date yourself. Discover your likes and dislikes, deal with your unresolved issues, build healthy platonic relationships with the opposite sex, find hobbies and ultimately live life to the fullest. When you’re busy with purpose and wholly content, you won’t have time to worry about such trivial things.
Nikia, Super mum of two, Chef & Business owner @Allaboutthefood
Whilst decorating the three we were watching a Christmas movie. the typical Christmas flick usually ends with the couple having a kiss. My Daughter turns to me and says “mummy will that be you this Christmas”. To which I responded with a laugh “with who the invisible man”!
As she continues to decorate the tree she turns and says to me “mummy you’ve had a shot at love before don’t ever doubt you can have another shot again” having a Bae at Christmas has never meant much to me until today. But as my daughter said I shouldn’t doubt that I can have another shot and when the time is right my time will come.
Kelle, Content Writer & Blogger @Kellespace.com
One of the positives of being single during the Xmas period is that you have all the time in the world to spend quality time with your family and friends. Christmas is all about being merry after all, so use this period in your life to do the things that make you happy. Also, think of something you can do to spread your happiness onto others too!
Rayy Sang, Writer & Editor @IndustryMe
Being single during the Christmas season forced me to choose myself and I mean really choose myself. It’s so easy to preach about self-love and self-care and all the other common millennial buzzwords. At a time where you are completely swamped by images of love the picture perfect family and literally everything you probably don’t have as a single; You learn to find your happiness in other things. As someone who is naturally giving being single has given me the space to put myself first for once and to truly get to grips with doing so. Once you love yourself first, everything else is secondary!
Ryan C, A Londoner, Rapper & Youtube Creative
I’m single during the Christmas period and I actually prefer it. Rarely have I ever had a relationship during the holidays but I feel it is less stressful. Having to meet your significant other’s family has always been an issue for me. I can understand why families would be protective over their girls and I don’t blame them. I’ve always felt paranoid around meeting a girl’s family as I can never envisage their reaction to me. I like having to worry about my own family and only what presents to get them. I don’t need the stress of a partner and it always works well for me.
DJ Short-T, Music Lover & Businessman @RumPunchSundays
This will be my second Christmas Without A Bae, and i must say it is a big change as I’ve previously been in a long-term relationship. One of the issues i had, was deciding who I would spend Christmas with, it became more challenging as the years went by, and at times i became anxious as i wouldn’t want to upset any of my immediate or distanced family members(even though some did throw shade at me). But now being single has allowed me to save money Lol (A LOT!!) and also allows me to focus more on spending time with my family and more importantly myself.
Soul Vs Universe, A King & member of the TC Family
Being Single isn’t always easy because we tend to feel lonely at times but if we change our perception of the situation we can see that we are not alone, we have ourselves to take care of. Our lives are just beginning in a crazy world so it’s important to love yourself first and be comfortable alone because when you leave this earth you can’t take anything with you except the memories and your own soul. Enjoy your own company.
9:05 PM: “Well at least I’ll save money – that’s one less present to buy”
9:07 PM: *scrolls through pictures from our 6 previous Christmases* “Hehe, I remember this one, I made the Lamb wayyy too salty
9:10 PM: “How did we get here?”
I spent Christmas in London with my Mummy. She came from Bermuda bearing gifts – Gosling’s Rum, Barritts Ginger Beer and Cassava pie (google it). We bought the smallest tree, listened to the 8 Days of Christmas, watched ‘The Preacher’s Wife’ and discovered the M&S wine and cheese paring box(es). On Boxing Day, I flee to Washington DC. i met my best friends – we brunched, visited the Smithsonian, twerked in the hotel room and laughed at how small the White House is. I stared at the stars on the flight home.
I felt whole – with or without a Bae, I was surrounded by love.
Sherese Nicole, Health, Wellness & Lifestyle blogger @Sheresenicole.com
Christmas time and the holiday season is yet again upon us and I’m yet again single – but I’m not complaining. In fact, I’m quite used to it and almost prefer to be single. I get to be completely selfish, do what I want when I want and learn more about myself. In all my time being single, I’ve found that I’ve grown more than ever and I almost feel bad for those in a relationship sometimes, because you don’t get to be as selfish when you’re with a partner.
So this holiday season, I plan to be around friends and family with a lot of good vibes and most importantly take time out to be with myself. I mean working on me – spiritually, emotionally and physically. Whenever I start to feel a way about being single at a season when it seems everyone and their mom is booed up, I find rejoice in trusting that my bae is right around the corner and he’ll come by at the right time.
What is TRULY for me will not pass me by!
Musu B, A creator, Author & Speaker
Make this Bae-less Christmas Work for You
Let’s face it – we’ve all been there. The endless searching and streaming on Netflix, hours on the couch, no bath and lots of food. It’s the only way you feel you’ll get by, constantly pushing out thoughts of the break-up that happened at the worst time ever. Being bae-less during the holiday season does a lot to a person. You’re questioning your worth and can’t stop scrolling through timelines filled with engagements, travel scenes and whatever else irks your soul.
The truth is, you can turn the tables in your favour during this period of darkness and despair. It’s also good to know that much of social media is a front, and what you’re seeing is staged anyway. So use this time to make it about you and you’ll find yourself bouncing back faster than a Cardi B Instagram crisis. Here are some quick tips to get you through:
- Start a journal and watch your life take a fresh turn
- Throw your own holiday party to celebrate YOU
- Take a trip – near or far – and get a change of scenery
I know there is a lot of pressure around but trust me when I say you got this!
Food for thought: You may not know this but it has been reported that a whopping 4million people in the UK spend Christmas alone. A survey carried out by the BBC in 2014 found that those aged 65 and above will spend Christmas by themselves. In addition to this, research findings from the mental health charity MIND found that Millennials are twice as likely as the elderly to be spend Christmas alone. No family, no Friends and no Bae. This might be a tough one to get your head around but this is a reality for a lot of people. Can you imagine? that in this day and age loneliness at Christmas is real.
Being single is one thing, but being lonely without family or friends during a season that is all about love and togetherness like Christmas is another. I would not wish that on my worse enemy. I am pretty confident that the majority of my readers who are Bae-less this Christmas most likely won’t be spending it alone.
I don’t know about you but that is something to be extremely grateful for. Now, I might not have a Bae but what I do have is a family to celebrate with and love on. I will most definitely wake up to a ton of merry Christmas messages from my friends. I may not have kids of my own just yet but I do have Godchildren that I can spoil with Christmas presents. I sat back and thought about all of this and I realised there are so many people in the world who don’t have half of what I just described this Christmas.
So I say that to say this, focusing on what you do not have will rob you of what you do have. It might be upsetting not having a relationship but I have been alive long enough to know that nothing in life ever happens before its time. Take a moment to reflect on who you do have in your life right now and be grateful for those people.
At the right time, the right person will come into your life but until then, make the most of who you have in your life right now. Also if you know someone who will be spending Christmas alone this year, invite them over, send a card, drop them a text or give them a call.
One last thing, scrap the idea that having a Bae is everything, because it really is not. Being in a healthy and happy relationship is as a bonus on top of all our other blessings. Anything below that is trash and don’t ever forget it.
Lots of Love
- Please note all gifs were sourced from GIPHY.com. I do not own the rights to those images!