Childless means to be without a child.
Chilling means to make a conscious effort to take things easy.
Doing you is the process whereby a person does what’s best for them
Every woman is not the same and that’s what makes us all beautiful. Women across the world come packaged with different needs, wants and desires. Some women want marriage and kids the traditional way, others the non -traditional way while some women don’t want it at all. Whatever a woman decides to do with her womb and her life is her business only.-Jenna’s World View 2020 –
Very often I get asked ” Jenna when are you going to have kids ?“
As I’m now closer to 30 then I’ve ever been before this question just keeps on coming up. I really don’t know why and if I’m being honest it’s annoying. To add insult to injury the question is usually followed by “don’t leave it too late because you might have problems”. Having to constantly rebuke that nonsense in Jesus name gets tiring. So now I’m kindly having to let others know that having kids isn’t that high on my ‘to-do list’.
I’m out here living, loving, seeing and being without a care in the world. I’ve accepted that I’m likely going to have my first kid in my 30’s and I’m ok with that. When it’s my time for children I’m confident that they’ll most certainly come.
My Truth = Backlash
Now, this may sound crazy, but people have taken offence to my stance. Which makes no sense because it’s my personal truth so where do we go from here? It’s not like I don’t want to be a mother one day, I do just not right now. Even if I had a man in my life, I would much rather prefer for us to be travelling opposed to starting a family. I don’t mean any disrespect by this either, so it baffles me when people want to bite my head off for being honest.
My personal choices shouldn’t be ruffling anybody’s feathers. It’s insane how women who don’t have or even want children are often made to feel about their choices. The way we’re mocked and spoken about on social media alone speaks volumes too.
Women who are childless and vocal about it are often dragged through the mud. As if to say we’re less value-able or crazy because we don’t want to have kids just yet, prefer to be married beforehand or don’t want them at all. I’ve received so much hostility in the past when I’ve told people I’m focused on other things that don’t involve children. The reactions are priceless and I’m certain they either think I’m lying or being defensive.
But the truth is, I’m not. I’ve INTENTIONALLY made a CONSCIOUS choice to make the best of my right now and live my damn life. Luckily I’m not the only woman in my late 20’s who is taking this approach. In fact, there are plenty of women who are in the same boat. So, I thought it would be a great idea to open up my platform and give a few ladies a safe place to vent and talk about it openly, enjoy.
Childless, Chilling and Doing Me
I think I’ve always wanted the stereotypical things from life; a great career, happy marriage and healthy children. In fact, I have ‘Mrs, Mummy, Mogul’ scribbled down in a journal somewhere.
I’m very career focused but I’m a ‘big picture’ kind of girl too. The way that I’m designing my life – being self-employed etc – is all part of how I want my life to be when I have a family of my own. I can see that woman.
I want the freedom to come and go as I please, be able to drop them off and pick them up, go and cheer them on at Sports Day and stay up building their science projects with them. They even have nursery places reserved but that doesn’t mean I’m ready.
I could freak out about the season that I’m in right now, but I strongly feel that this is a season of preparation and foundation-building. The whole ‘childless and chilling’ comment was almost throwaway but in it, lies a deep truth: I am right where I am meant to be. And I have a lot to be thankful for.
Children are a wonderful blessing but they’re also complete life-changers. I want to seek out every part of who God created me to be before I start a family. I’d never want to resent having children because I’d rushed into a life-changing decision.
Whenever I pray for something, I consider whether I’m ready for what I’m asking for. As far as being a mum goes, the answer is ‘not yet’.
I used to want to be a mum in my 20s until I really started living life and realised “that ain’t it”! For me anyway!
As a 29 year old, quite a few people I know have kids. But then, equally, quite a few don’t – and I am more than happy to be part of the latter crew. I can’t lie and say there aren’t times when I’m a little broody – usually when a cute video pops up on my TL – however, that is generally short-lived!
I love ‘me’ time and I love my peace. Being able to do whatever I want without having to give a second thought to anyone or anything else. Holidays, last-minute plans and work opportunities taking risks and leaps of faith. Some call it being selfish, I say they’re right. The minute I get married and start having kids, it can no longer be all about me. So why not make the most of the time I have now to cater to me, myself and I?
I wouldn’t have been able to achieve as much as I’ve done if I had a child. Don’t get it twisted, I’m a firm believer that a woman can have it all; family and career. A child shouldn’t stop your dreams, goals and hustles. But you can’t deny that it makes it somewhat harder, and I just don’t want to have to deal with that right now if I don’t have to.
Becoming a mother is definitely something I want and, as I approach 30, I pray I begin building that chapter of my life in my early 30s.
A baby? IN THIS ECONOMY?? I have no sweat about not having a baby in my late 20s. I think, at least definitely for millennials like me on the younger end of the spectrum we’re used to the “family” age being moved back further. Reason being the way people do life now has dramatically changed.
While our parents were starting their families in their early to mid-20s, many of us now are likely still in school or climbing the career ladder. I can’t speak for everyone, but in some ways, I do agree that Millennials are “selfish” in that we want to take care of ourselves FIRST.
Many others like me who are childless are using the money that we don’t spend on kids to travel, strengthen our relationships and invest in our self-growth. Ideally, I want to set myself up financially, emotionally, spiritually – all that jazz – before I have any children.
Growing up in the South – southern part of the US – it’s very normal for women to be married and popping out babies by 25. When I graduated university, the most frequently asked questions thrown my way were “Is there someone special in your life” often coupled with “are you thinking about settling down and having kids?” So being unmarried and childless makes me this sort of cultural anomaly.
I saw a funny tweet the other day that said, ” I’m a southern 25, not a coastal 25″ It made me chuckle because that is the complete opposite of who I am. Despite culture expecting me to be a wife and mom, I wasn’t raised with those values. My parents were adamant about my 20s being my selfish years.
“Don’t get married before 30” and ” The best thing you can do is wait until you’re 30+ to have kids.” I appreciate having those words drilled into me from such a young age. It’s allowed me to move abroad, pursue educational and career goals childfree.
It’s so freeing to know I can book a flight to Germany on the weekend without worrying about childcare. I can buy expensive things and not debate if that money should’ve gone to my child’s college fund. Parenting is something that is selfless, and I’m not there yet. I want to spoil myself! Develop skills that will enable me to bring up well -rounded, self-sufficient and caring human beings. Until then, I’m going to continue to cherish all my ‘me time’ as I see fit.
I’m 30 next year November… and I am single with no children. Writing that part actually makes me a little sad! How am I still single, please?!
The pressure for me to be married comes mainly from my Dad and Aunt. It has reached a point now where my dad has started to ask about the cause of my breakup with my ex of 3 years (whom I dated when I was 20). Basically, implying that I should ‘go and fix it’. My dad made a passing comment recently saying, ‘I’m playing with my age’! My aunt literally asks every time I see her, ‘what’s the update with the man you want to marry and have kids for?’.
The thing is, these adults don’t realize that times have changed. I feel like in their time, they were getting it on from young and culture had a big part to play in that. Whereas now, for my generation – things are just moving much slower.
I must admit, it can be frightening to be this age childless with no partner. I often ponder about my ‘biological clock’ hoping and praying I’m not affected when the time comes to try. I’m surrounded by married/ fruitful friends but the majority in the circle isn’t in that position.
I’m currently taking charge of my right now, focusing and applying wisdom as I go along. If I decide to give in now to pressures of family and society I will make bad choices. So yes, I’m getting older but I’m growing and working on me. I believe that’s the best and God willing my time will come.
My mum had me when she was 20. She was a talented artist but she gave up her dreams and qualified as a teacher.
By the time she was 26 and my Dad was 30 they had 3 kids.
I lead a blessed life and I never wanted for anything nevertheless it’s only when I see her now that I realize that she sacrificed a lot, almost to her detriment, by having us that young…
My parents are young “cool” parents. I live in fear of bumping into them at events and clubs. They had to put their lives on hold whilst they raised us and their living it up for all it’s worth now.
A large part of me resents this. I still need them but it’s their time now. This is why I’m happy to be 26 with no kids and no plans to have them anytime soon. I get to live my life guilt-free until I’m good and ready.
And let’s be honest 2020 has not been kind to us. A lot of us will be lucky to see the other side of this pandemic with our jobs still secure. Now imagine facing that with a baby…
I’m still building me and there’s no room for tiny footsteps to be pitter pattering in my 1 bedroom flat.
One day when I’m in my 30s I’ll tell my kids about my crazy twenties and how I was happy to sacrifice for them because I lived life to the fullest when I was younger.
I don’t know if it is a southern thing, or if it is society, or if it is because my parents had me at the age of 25. I’m about to be 26 next month and their exact words were “all our other friends have grandchildren and we don’t“. My grandma, my mother, my father, even people at my job have asked me “where are your children”? The truth is, I’m not even sure if I can have them, afford them, or if I want them right now.
I’ve made several other accomplishments at my age, but it doesn’t seem to matter. I’ve obtained two degrees, I have my own car, my own apartment, I pay my own bills, and I’m one of the top performers at my corporate job. However, that still doesn’t seem to impress my family. Sometimes it makes me feel like something is wrong with me, or like I’m inadequate, but I don’t want to be pressured into a life-altering decision like that.
I would have to be attached to someone for a minimum of 18 years. As well as be prepared mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. I feel like one has to have a temperament/patience and the finances to have children. I’ve seen women around me who’s child’s father abandoned them with a child and that concerns me. I know I can’t predict the future, but I don’t want my future child/children to have to go through having an absent parent.
Thank you Ladies
I just want to say a big thank you to all the ladies that contributed to this post. The topic of childlessness isn’t an easy one to talk about or digest. At one point I even questioned whether I should go ahead with the post as I did want anyone to take it the wrong way. I understand that there are many women out there who feel the total opposite to what has been shared below and I can appreciate that. But every woman is different and we should be able to openly talk about such topics without being judged or face any negative backlash.
Thank you for reading too. I know this was a long post. I would love to hear your thoughts about this piece especially if you’re 25+ plus and childless. What are your reasons for waiting and what is life for you because of that decision??? Even if you’re a mother I would still love to hear from you also, so please don’t be afraid to reach out. Let’s talk Sis 🙂
If we’re not married by 25 with a kid before 30, people make up all kinds of rumours about why. But it’s okay to live life on your own terms. If you want to travel the world before settling down- do that. If seeing your career blossom is more important than a family for you, do that. Whatever is meant for you won’t pass you by. We can have whatever we want whenever we want to have them. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with where you are at the moment.Dawn, Rosé Bae
Lots of love
If you liked this post be check out the following
- Childless And Chilling: Do Black Women Feel Pressure From Others To Procreate?
- Childfree by choice: stop telling me I’ll change my mind later
- Being Childless Is Painful for Many Women: Here Are 9 Coping Strategies
- I Used To Judge Childfree Women
- Miss Childless-by-Choice
- I’m no longer talking about dating
- Why I Have Zero Regrets About My Childless Life
- Why So Many Are Satisfied Being Childless by Choice
- Intuition; A Blessing In Disguise