Black Love
Views From The Mandem
Opening words from Jenna…
Every day on Twitter there is some new heated debate or thread flying around regarding relationships, especially where the love between black men and women are concerned. I have seen so many things fly across my TL, for e.g Is black love dead? Black men don’t love black women, Black brothers don’t care about you sis, Black love is struggle love and trust me when I tell you this list goes on.
I am tired because I don’t agree with it 100%, reason being is I see Black Couples connecting or getting married every other weekend. Black weddings stay going viral on Bellanaija and The Shaderoom post-wedding proposals damn near every other week. So for me, these tweets are just not adding up.
However, I do believe there are a number of black men who for whatever reason just don’t like black women but constantly find ways to disrespect us. I honestly do not care for them, because I only have time, energy and love for the black men who love, respect, honour and appreciate black women. Despite what the Twitter timeline says I know in my heart there are black men out there who want black women just as much as we want them. So don’t believe the hype BLACK LOVE is not dead.
Black Love is all that plus a bag of chips
Some may wonder why there’s a need to specify love with an ebony adjective as if there’s something great about Black Love. Well, guess what…there is! It’s not a movement of being anti-everyone else, but it’s deeper than just melanin in our skin. It’s a representation of the strength that exists when Black and Brown men and women come together, in spite of discriminations and oppositions. It’s the model of resilience and influential progress in our communities. Black Love is about excellence and legacy.
Arguably the most celebrated and most known example of Black Love is Barack and Michele Obama. Since his presidency, the world has been able to witness the love a Black man has for his wife and for his children. Which is a narrative that social media tells us doesn’t exist any more and often times we don’t see it at all in reality. Every chance Barack gets he makes sure to let Michelle, and the world, know just how much he loves her. Whether it’s with a candid look of admiration, a gently affectionate touch, or a surprise happy 25th-anniversary video, the love they share is evident. It shows up in the happiness and support they receive from their daughters. It’s a love that exemplifies family as the cornerstone of Black Love.
Examples are everything
The biggest and most influential example of Black Love that I’ve had in my life was my grandparents. I was always able to feel the love they shared for one another. They renewed their vows for their 50th Anniversary and I was a candle-lighter in their ceremony. It was truly a celebration of holy matrimony that was purposeful and impactful. My grandfather was a pastor for 50 years and my grandmother was a social worker for 40 years, so their lives were dedicated to love and compassion for others. Loving each other and being an example for generations to follow was their love language. They were married 58 years with 9 children before my grandfather passed away in 2004. My grandmother passed away in 2008 but their love, selflessness, and service to others still live on.
The most important component to anything with substance is the foundation. So when it comes to Black Love or any love, self-love is that foundation. Not just a love for your skin tone, facial features, or the texture of your hair. It’s loving the person you are in the inside as well as the outside. It’s truly knowing your true value without anyone else’s validation. Self-love is influential when it comes to the type of people we’re attracted to and types of relationship we get into. We can’t pour from an empty cup, so it’s important to note that we can’t truly love someone else unless we love ourselves. We can’t fully receive love without knowing first-hand what love feels like. We must trust ourselves enough to love and to be loved.
Having examples of love allows us to love optimistically. Being a part of love allows us to love intentionally. Black Love is knowing and being comfortable with who we are so that we can love without limits or restraints. Black Love is a phenomenon that’s the fabric of our past, present, and future.
Written
by Terrance
A published Author, Poet and Blogger, to read more of his amazing work check out his website Thebrownsugarcafe.blog
Please note this post is part of the ‘Views From The Mandem series’ to catch up with the series click the links below
Olli from Olliviette.com
Loved this buuuuuuuuut – you know I’m gonna have to be that person. You can love without experiencing it first; it’s just gonna be the first time you’ve loved.
Someone can come into your life and rock your world, change your perspective, help you grow and expand and through those actions that might be the first time to experience love. You can give that same energy back without having experienced it before.
I think society has encouraged us that the best or right way to love is to have all our shit together so we can actually give to the other person – to meet them halfway. But when a hurt soul only knows disappointment, abuse, hate and they are nourished, in time they come to know the energy they are given and they come to give it back.
We cannot pour from an empty cup but it is not wrong or unfair for someone who’s cup runneth over to share their blessings and energy. It is not even wrong for someone who has half a cup to give one drop. That doesn’t make the person with a fuller cup a fool (now sometimes it does, I’m not all rainbows and butterflies).
I am here for black love though. I feel like in addressing black love someone needs to tell these men to get their ish together. They trifilin.
MJ
Yes yes and yes! I loved reading this post! So true❤️? black love is everything and I’ll continue to exemplify that with my relationship!
Jennifer Lukanu
Hi I just read a post on black love and I really enjoyed reading the blog post. Any tips on people who are pla ning on starting their blog focusing on black empowerment and issues in the blk community?
jennasworldview
Hi Jennifer, Thank you so much for taking time out to read the blog.! When you left your originally comment I was in the lead up to my first event and was extremely busy. Please forgive me for such a late reply. A blog focusing on black empowerment and issues within the black community will always be beneficial to all. Top tips would be decide on what social media platforms would you like to occupy. Twitter, wordpress (host your website), FB and Insta are top picks for myself. Have a think about what topics you wanna cover, what message you want to convey etc. Those are really good starting points. If you’re interested in getting someone to walk you though the entire process, please link in with one of my design creatives over at https://www.thecococreativ.com/.
Feel free to reach out to me anytime.
Jenna
xoxo